


Happy For You

by Daisy_space



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Remus Lupin, Bittersweet Ending, Broken Heart, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Gay Sirius Black, Hurt/Comfort, I make up for it tho, I'm Sorry, Kind of..., M/M, Moving On, Post-Break Up, Queer Character, Regrets, The Prank, Unrequited Love, new relationships, past wolfstar - Freeform, this is just angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:08:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27578951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daisy_space/pseuds/Daisy_space
Summary: Remus broke up with Sirius after The Prank.Remus has moved on.Sirius still loves him.Can he get him back?
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Original Female Character(s), Sirius Black/Original Male Character(s), past Sirius Black/Remus Lupin - Relationship
Comments: 5
Kudos: 49





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a while ago for my Instagram, and it did well so I decided to post it here too! I'm going to drop the entire fic now cause I know if I don't then it'll never be finished...so, you're welcome. I'm actually going to do an entire fic dump today. Normally I try to upload here the same day I upload a fic to insta, but I wrote a lot over the past months and school has been busy, so it's kind of gotten away from me! Speaking of instagram you should follow me there for far more consistent content, it's @Lovingwolfsstar !, Hope you enjoy, and I;m sorry for how angsty this fic is!
> 
> -Em <3

_ “I’m happy for you.” _

Is what you say when you couldn’t be further from happy, but you can’t do anything to change it because it’s not your life to control.

_ “I’m happy for you.” _

Is what you say when you begin to regret everything you’ve ever done because it’s your own actions that caused this. But you can’t change the past so you grit your teeth and hope your smile is convincing enough.

_ “I’m happy for you.” _

Is what Sirius said because he had no other choice. He didn’t get to tell Remus  _ ‘No, be with me instead,’  _ because that’s not how the world works. He has no other option than to be happy for him.

Sirius knew there was no going back from what he did. He knew he couldn’t change the past, but he could change the future and that was good enough. The Prank, as James had dubbed it, would probably always be the biggest regret of his life. Unless he found another way to fuck up his friend’s lives. He hoped the summer break had given Remus enough time to heal. It had taken Remus two months to forgive him, but even after that their relationship was still rocky. James and Peter stopped leaving them alone in rooms together and it seemed like they didn’t know how to talk to each other anymore.

Remus had broken up with Sirius the day he forgave him. Sirius had expected as much. He had betrayed his trust in one of the worst ways. He was thankful to still have Remus in his life at all, even if it wasn’t the way he wanted them to be. He still loved Remus with all his heart. And recently Remus had seemed so happy. He would come back from the library or prefect’s rounds humming under his breath, a slight smile dancing across his lips. He would come into the dorm and give them all a cheerful wave. And Sirius thought maybe,  _ just maybe, _ he was the source of Remus’ happiness. Maybe Remus would take him back because it really seemed like Remus was past what Sirius had done last March. So he allowed himself to hope that maybe Remus Lupin could love him again. _ It was a stupid thought. _

Sirius had rushed from the great hall after breakfast to head down to the lake and pick a bouquet of wildflowers. Remus was studying in the library, and would probably be there most of the day. After picking the flowers and tying them together with a piece of hair ribbon he borrowed, (stole), from Marlene he decided to head up to the library and surprise Remus. His plan was to make a grand gesture with the flowers and ask Remus if he would be willing to try again. He really hoped Remus would say yes because Sirius didn’t know if his heart could be broken by Remus Lupin twice in his life. 

Sirius walked down the corridor admiring the flowers working over exactly what he would say to Remus. He entered the library, and walked past the stacks of books, to the little table in the corner with only two chairs that Remus always sat at. He spotted Remus sitting at the table, but he wasn’t alone. He was with a Hufflepuff girl named Dianne Montague. He was holding hands and laughing with Dianne Montague. 

Sirius didn’t know a lot about Dianne. He knew she was in their year, that she was a prefect, and that she was exceptionally pretty. She had long golden hair that cascaded in gentle waves, normally pulled back into a ponytail. She had bright blue eyes, freckles across her nose, and dimples on her cheeks. He knew she was one of the top students in their year, and in 3rd year debated werewolf rights with their defence against the dark arts teacher for 20 minutes. 

Remus was laughing at something Dianne said, then he brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it gently, making her laugh harder. She leaned across the small table and placed a soft kiss on Remus’ lips, Remus kissed her back. 

Sirius felt like he was going to be sick. He watched them laugh and kiss. Remus had a genuine smile dancing on his lips. Sirius could always tell Remus’ genuine smile from his fake one, it was reserved for few. Remus looked genuinely happy kissing and smiling and laughing with Dianne. He was smiling at her the same way he used to smile at Sirius before he ruined it all. 

Sirius felt a knot emerge in his throat watching Moony with Dianne. He looked down at the flowers he had spent all morning picking for Remus because he had convinced himself Remus had healed over the summer and was ready to take him back. He looked at Dianne and her pretty blue eyes, and shiny gold hair, and realized that the reason Remus had been so happy recently had nothing to do with him. That was the fantasy he concocted in his head, but it was never remotely true. She was kissing Remus and laughing with Remus and all Sirius wanted was to be in her place. He wanted to be the one making Remus laugh. He wanted to be the one kissing him. He wanted to be the one loving Remus Lupin.

But Remus will never ever be his again. Remus had moved on, he had found someone else to love, to be happy with. Someone who was smart and compassionate. Someone who wouldn’t completely betray his trust because of some petty rivalry.

Sirius looked from Remus and Dianne to the flowers, back and forth until he felt dizzy. Eventually, he felt a tear escape him, it rolled down his cheek, off his chin, and landed on his shoe. Then another and another. He tried to will himself not to cry but it was no use. This all felt so final. This really was it.  _ He would never have Remus Lupin again. _ Sirius stuffed the bouquet into his bookbag rather aggressively, breaking a few of the flowers in the process, petals landed by his feet. He furiously swiped at his eyes trying to get the tears to stop because he was very much in public and Remus was very much right in front of him with his new girlfriend.

Remus looked up from Dianne and saw Sirius, Sirius wanted the floor to swallow him whole. “Hey, Sirius.” He said an unreadable expression on his face. Dianne looked over to Sirius and gave him a bright smile.

“Hey, Moony,” Sirius said, his voice didn’t sound like his own.

“Is everything alright?” Remus asked tentatively.

“Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine.” Sirius shook his head, trying to get his brain to work. “I just need a book for my um- Transfiguration essay.” He hoped his lie wasn’t too obvious.

“Oh, here!” Dianne said, offering a book out to him, “I used this one for my essay, it’s great!”  _ Who allowed her to be so nice? _ How was he supposed to hate her if she was so nice?

“Um, thanks.” He accepted the book, and stuffed it in his bag, crushing Moony’s flowers more.

“Erm, Sirius, this is Dianne, my girlfriend,” Remus said, rather awkwardly. “We’ve been dating for about a month.” Remus nervously looked over to her, and Sirius could see his body relax just by looking at her smile. Sirius used to have that effect on him. 

“Girlfriend,” Sirius said, barely a whisper, hearing Remus say the word made it all so much worse. All Sirius wanted to do was get out of this too hot library and find an empty corridor to cry in. But he couldn’t do that just yet, because Remus was looking at him expectantly. So Sirius plastered on a smile that he hoped didn’t look too fake, and said;

_ “I’m happy for you.”  _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

Sirius sat down at the table in between James and Peter, Remus across from them, an empty seat next to him just waiting to be filled by his perfect girlfriend Dianne. It didn’t use to be like this. Once upon a time Sirius and Remus would sit next to each other, holding hands under the table. They used to sneak away from dinner early to go make out in the prefect’s bathroom. Now all Sirius had left were the memories.

_ “C’mon let’s get out of here Moony,” Sirius had leaned over to whisper in Remus’ ear. _

_ “Don’t you want to eat?” Remus raised an eyebrow in curiosity, though Sirius knew he was just teasing. _

_ “We can eat later, let’s go somewhere else now.” He tempted tugging on Remus’ hand under the table. Remus happily obliged. _

_ “We’re off to go, erm, study, Prongs!” Remus said, then they quickly rushed out of the great hall to get to a more secluded location. _

Now here they sat across from each other, pretending like those days never existed. As a pretty girl with golden hair and big blue eyes rushed over to the table.

“‘Sup loser.” She teased, placing a kiss into Moony’s curls.

“Hey, Di.” He gave her a toothy smile and kissed the corner of her mouth. Sirius suddenly wasn’t hungry anymore.

“What are you lads up to?” She asked, reaching for the bacon, Sirius had half a mind not to throw a food rotting hex at it, and chop off her shiny ponytail while he was at it.

“You know, serious man stuff,” James said, puffing out his chest a little. Sirius hunched over his food, wishing he were anywhere else. 

Dianne laughed, “Ah, I’m sure it was very serious stuff,” She said in a mocking tone. “I have 8 brothers, I know all the ‘serious man stuff’.” They all laughed, well all but Sirius, who gave a small exhale from his nose for his contribution. “Oh! Me and my friends snuck off to the kitchens last night, and made you lads cookies!” She smiled, pulling a tin of chocolate chip cookies out of her bag, and offering them out to them. Peter gave a delighted squeal and took two, James and Remus took one respectively. “Aren’t you going to take one Sirius?” She asked with a sweet dimply smile.

“Di makes the best cookies,” Remus stated, already halfway through his cookie, nudging his shoulder playfully against hers, the same way he used to with Sirius. Sirius took a cookie and begrudgingly took a bite out of it. He smiled and nodded to her indicating the cookie was good. Which made him hate her more because this was the best cookie he ever had.

“So James, what do you think of Puddlemere United’s chances at winning the Quidditch cup?” She asked, leaning forward a little, a mischievous grin on her stupid pretty face.

“I think they’re going to annihilate the competition! They’ve got the best seeker in years!” James exclaimed, loudly as he always was when talking about Quidditch. This was the final straw. Sure perfect Dianne could take his Moony, she could get Peter with her superb cookies, but she could  _ not  _ have James.

Finally, at the end of his rope, Sirius got up from the table, mumbling some lame excuse and went out to the entrance hall to go kick a wall or something. If his brain wasn’t somewhere on the verge of hexing someone or crying he might have noticed James following him out of the hall.

“What the  _ hell _ is up with you, Padfoot?” James said, following after Sirius. Sirius wasn’t really sure where he was going, as long as it was far away from Remus and Dianne and their stupid, perfect relationship. “Padfoot, talk to me.” Sirius continued to ignore him. “Sirius!” James said harshly, grabbing Sirius’ elbow and turning him around.

“Nothing is wrong, James.” He said spitefully if James was going to use his proper name. He would use James’.

“Would you stop being a prick for 5 minutes?” James said in an equally spiteful tone. Sirius obliged and slumped a little, he couldn’t take his jealousy out on Prongs. “What’s going on mate,” James said, not harsh anymore.

“It’s nothing, Prongs,” Sirius mumbled, halfheartedly. 

“Pads, you’ve been a moody bugger since Remus started dating Dianne, do you not like her or something?” James asked. “Because me and Wormtail think she’s great! She likes quidditch, she bakes us treats, she likes Moony’s nerd books, and remember 3rd year, when she debated the Defence teacher? We know she isn’t prejudiced against werewolves. And she also makes Moony happy. Hell, I haven’t seen him this happy since- since he was with you.” James’ words stung because Sirius knew they were all true. Moony did seem really happy with Dianne. And Dianne was a very nice girl. Moony deserved all that. He deserved to be happy with someone. But Sirius’ heart couldn’t accept that because he still loved Remus, and seeing Remus happy with anyone but him hurt like a stab wound to the heart.

“It’s not Dianne, I like Dianne, I know she’s good for Moony. It’s just,” Sirius took a deep breath, trying to control himself. “I still love Remus.” He felt tears stinging the backs of his eyes again,  _ hadn’t he cried enough over the past week? _

James gave a slight frown, “I know you do, Pads. I get it.”

“No, you don’t! Don’t say you get it, James, because you don’t!” Sirius shouted, pointing an accusing finger at James.

“Oh, I don’t get it?” James matched his tone, “ _ I  _ don’t know what it’s like to love someone who won’t have you? I’ve only been pining after Lily Evans since 3rd year!” He shouted. Sirius drooped. Tears pricking the corners of his eyes again.

“What am I supposed to do James? I want Moony to be happy, but I can’t be happy without him.” He thought he sounded pathetic.  _ He is pathetic. _

James took a deep breath and placed a consoling hand on Sirius’ shoulder. “You keep living,” He said, “You keep living, and you let him live. And if it was meant to be between you two the universe will work it out. But for now, you just have to keep living.”

“What does that even mean James?” Sirius scoffed, throwing his hands up in frustration.

“It’s like that cheesy, old saying goes,” He said, “If you love them, you let them go.”

Sirius let out a tired sigh. He  _ was _ tired. He was tired of all of this. He was tired of Remus not loving him. He was tired of still loving Remus when Remus had clearly moved on. He was tired of screwing things up for his friends. He was tired of feeling sorry for himself. He was tired of being unlovable. He was tired of his shite family. He was tired of Dianne’s delicious cookies. He was tired of being Sirius Black. 

Sirius leaned against the cool stone wall and slid down it. Leaning his head back against it. James sat down beside him. “We’re hopeless aren’t we?” He said, more like a statement of a fact, then a question.

“Pretty much yeah,” James agreed, “But at least we can be hopeless together.” 

A slight smile quirked up the corner of Sirius’ mouth, “I wouldn’t have it any other way Prongs.”

“And hey, maybe the people we love will come around one day?” James said, hopefully, though Sirius wasn’t that hopeful.

“Maybe,” He said, trying to imagine a world where Moony wasn’t with Dianne and was with him instead. “And until then, we just have to be happy for them.”


	3. Chapter 3

Sirius walked down the corridor from the kitchens, arms full of food to give to Moony, who was resting up in the dorms. The full moon was tonight and he was too weak to go down for dinner before the transformation, so Sirius volunteered to get food for a marauder’s dorm picnic, courtesy of the full moon.

On his way back to the dorm he heard a kind voice call behind him, “Sirius, hang on a second!” It was Dianne,  _ great. _

“Hey, Dianne.” He said, making sure he didn’t sound too annoyed, but he really just wanted to get this food too Moony on time. “Can we walk and talk?”

“Yeah, I’ll be quick.” Dianne said, “I just wanted to ask, do you hate me?”

Sirius was a little taken aback by the question. He didn’t hate her per se, more like he resented her. Strongly resented her. “I don’t hate you.” Is the answer he settled on. “Why would you think that?” He wasn’t trying to sound condescending, but it was coming out that way.

“Well, Rem told me that you two used to date,” He hated that she called him ‘Rem’. “And I don’t have a problem with that at all. I just know you two broke up on bad terms, and Rem broke up with you,” He knew she wasn’t intentionally twisting the knife in harder, but it sure felt that way. “It just seems like whenever I’m around you aren’t the loud jokester Rem always says you are. And then there was the other day when you stormed out of the great hall as soon as I showed up. I couldn’t help thinking maybe you didn’t like me.” Dianne shrugged, stuffing her hands in her robe pockets. 

“I don’t hate you, Dianne. You make Remus really happy, and I like seeing him happy,” Sirius said, feeling slightly bad for how he was treating her, “I just have a lot of shit going on inside my head, and I’m sorry if I let it out on you.” 

“It’s okay Sirius!” Dianne smiled, her smile was glowing. “What’s with all the food.”

“Huh, oh, Remus is ill, so we’re having a picnic in the dorms,” Sirius told her, not really thinking about it.

“He is? Well, I’ll come with you then.” Dianne said, concern on her pretty face. 

“Uh...No! You can’t! You’re a Hufflepuff, you can’t be in our dorms.” He said, maybe a little too brashly.  _ So much for subtlety.  _

“Rem’s let me up to your dorm before.” She simply stated. Sirius cringed internally, he didn’t want to think about  _ that. _

“Look, you just can’t. He’ll be happy to see you in the morning.” Sirius said, before rushing up the stairs to Gryffindor tower before she could question him further.

  
  


After all was said and done the moon had gone well. Remus barely had any injuries, and no one else got hurt either. James and Peter had already gone back to the castle, but Sirius decided to wait with Remus until Madam Pomfrey came. They were lying together on the creaky old bed in the shack. They weren’t touching, just lying there looking up at the ceiling. It was good to know Remus was at least still there. The 2 moons following The Prank, Padfoot wasn’t welcome, those had been the worst moons for everyone. So just being next to Remus now was more than he could ever ask for. 

“Dianne wanted to be with you last night. I told her you were ill, she was very insistent she comes to visit you.” Sirius said, needing to say something to fill the odd silence.

“I should probably tell her, shouldn’t I? We’ve been together for 2 ½ months already,” Remus said. Sirius didn’t like that idea, mostly because he didn’t know Remus was a werewolf until second year. 

“Yeah, I don’t think she’ll care. Remember 3rd year?” Sirius remarked.

“I’m just nervous. I really like her, I don’t want her to hate me.” Remus sighed, his words digging the knife in further and further.

“I get it Moony, I’m here for you.” Then he did a dumb thing. A really dumb thing. He tentatively reached over and took Remus’ hand in his own. If he could pretend just for a moment he had Moony, maybe he could finally start to heal. 

“What’re you doing Sirius?” Remus asked hesitantly.

Sirius closed his eyes, trying to savour this for all that it’s worth. “Pretending.” He whispered so only he could hear himself.

“Sirius…” Remus said in an apprehensive tone.

“I’m sorry Moony,” He held Remus’ hand tighter, Remus was just barley squeezing it back. But it was enough, anything Remus would give him was enough. “I still love you.” Sirius bit his tongue back, expecting the worst.

Remus was silent for a few moments before saying, “I know you do.” 

Sirius felt tears sting his eyes, “Do you still love me?” He asked, knowing what the answer would be, but he had to hear it. He had to hear it or he would never stop imagining a world of ‘could’ve been’. 

“I-” Remus started, then cut himself off. “No.” He stated, Sirius felt the knife give a final thrust into his heart. He might as well be dead now. “I’m sorry.”

Sirius felt a hot tear roll down his cheek, he was still holding Remus’ hand, Remus wasn’t even squeezing back slightly anymore. “I really fucked up,” Sirius gritted out. “I’ll always regret what I did last March. Always regret it. I’m sorry for ruining what we had. You were the best thing I ever had Moony. And I really am glad you found Dianne, and I wish you two the best. I just, don’t think I can be happy without you.” Sirius used his free hand to feebly wipe away his tears. “Why?” He wasn’t really sure what he was asking.  _ Why don’t you love me? Why am I like this? Why can’t I be happy? _ In reality it was a mix of all of these.

Silence fell between the pair. An awful unsettling silence that made everything a million times worse. “Sirius, you really hurt me. What you did really hurt me.” Remus started. “I trusted you with so much more than my lycanthropy secret. And you broke it that day, you shattered every bit of trust I had in you.” The tears were falling faster now, he just wanted Remus to stop, he just wanted everything to stop. “I’ve slowly rebuilt that trust, and now it’s nearly December, and so much of it’s come back, but I just don’t think I can love you like that again,” Remus said. The force of his tears was too strong so Sirius curled into Remus and cried on Moony’s shoulder, it was an automatic reaction, what he was so used to doing.  _ Are your emotions too much? Cry into Moony’s shoulder, he’ll hold you. He’ll keep you grounded. _ But Remus didn’t wrap his arms around Sirius and keep him grounded. He didn’t hold him. Remus just stayed lying flat on his back, arms at his side, while Sirius cried into his shoulder. “And if what happened in March never happened at all, and we were different people in a different world,” Remus continued. “I think you might’ve been it for me. But I just _ can’t. _ I can’t be with someone who betrayed my trust like that.” 

Sirius nodded into Moony’s shoulder. He knew all this was true. He didn’t want it to be true. Crying into Moony’s shoulder, holding his hand pretending everything was how he wanted it to be was only making it worse. He pulled away from Remus and sat up on the edge of the bed.

“‘M sorry, Moons.” He said furtively swiping at his eyes.

“Sirius,” Remus said.

“No, no it’s fine.” Sirius brushed him off, standing up and heading to the door.

“Sirius,” Remus said again.

“Madam Pomfrey will be here any moment, I’ve got to get going.” Sirius pulled on his jacket and walked to the door.

“Sirius, can we talk.” Remus insisted. Sirius ignored him. 

“I’ll see you later Moons, good luck with Dianne,” Sirius said, sniffing lamely, as he headed towards the tunnel.

“Sirius!” He heard Moony call after him. But Sirius didn’t care. He walked down the tunnel back to the school, vision fuzzy with tears. Walking away from the ‘could’ve been’, and towards reality. A reality where Remus Lupin loved someone else. Hot tears streaming down his face, stumbling a little as the tears impaired his vision.

You know those moments when you’re so sad you don’t think you’ll ever be happy again? But then they turn out to be the first steps to healing? This was one of those moments. Sirius hoped one day he would be happy again.


	4. Chapter 4

Time. What a wondrous thing time is. With enough time all sorts of wounds can heal. A papercut can heal in a week. Werewolf scratches can heal in 2 weeks, with the help of potions. Bones can heal in a month. And a heart can heal with the right amount of time.

It had been one full moon since the last. Sirius still loved Remus, but it was less like an ever-constant knife being stabbed into his heart, but more of a dull ache, a longing. He didn’t think it would ever go away, but at least it was bearable now. It didn’t really help that Lily has warmed up to Prongs _ a lot.  _ Like,  _ a lot, _ a lot. Dianne wasn’t upset when Moony told her he was a werewolf and was very supportive. However, she looked really spooked when she saw Moony after the full moon a few days ago. 

Sirius was heading up to the dorms to do, well he didn’t really have a plan, he was just planning to waste away a few hours, maybe catch up on some sleep. The dorm room was dim, the only light coming from the gap in the curtains. It was unlike them to have the curtains closed in the middle of the afternoon, perhaps Peter was having a midday nap? Sirius plopped down on his bed and decided to transfigure buttons into beetles just to kill some time. That’s when he heard it. It was a soft sound. He really had to strain his ears to hear it, but it was unmistakable. Someone was crying. Or trying hard not to cry. Both were the same anyway.

Prongs had gone to the Quidditch pitch with Lily to show off some of his moves, and last he checked Peter was in the library cramming for NEWTS, even though it was only December. That left Remus.  _ But why would Remus be crying? _

Sirius tentatively approached Remus’ bed, the curtains were drawn shut, and he could hear the small whimpers and sniffles better now, his heart clenched at the sound. “Moons? Is everything alright?” He asked softly, keeping the curtains closed, as to not overstep his bounds.

“Yeah,” Remus said in a weak voice, voice muffled by the curtain. Then there was a sniffle, “‘M fine.” 

Sirius bit his lip, Remus didn’t sound fine at all. And Sirius would hate to leave Remus alone and crying. “Do you want me to stay, or go?” Sirius asked. He heard a few more sobs and sniffles, it sounded like Remus was trying really hard to stop crying. “I’m here if you need me,” Sirius said, turning to go back to his own bed.

Then he heard Remus answer in the smallest voice, “Stay.” Sirius turned around and saw Remus open his curtains, poking his head out. His eyes were rimmed red, and his cheeks glossy with semi-dry tears. The collar of his shirt was damp, and his cinnamon-brown curls were all flattened. The picture broke Sirius’ heart. It made him wonder how long Remus had been up here crying. Sirius walked over to the bed, with soft footsteps and sat next to him gingerly. He really wanted to scoop Remus up against him but held himself back, things were just starting to get normal between them, he didn’t want to screw it up.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Sirius asked.

Remus made a small motion with his head, Sirius couldn’t discern whether it was a nod or a head shake. Thankfully, Moony answered him, “D-Dianne broke up with me.”

50 billion emotions coursed through Sirius at once, he should’ve been overjoyed, in his own head, of course, this was what he’s wanted since that day in the library when he had first seen Moony and Dianne together. But now seeing Remus broken and crying because of her Sirius just wanted to put it all back. Fix up nicely and tie it together with a bow. Sirius would suffer a lifetime of longing and heartbreak if it meant Moony was happy. 

“That bitch.” Was Sirius’ ever so eloquent response. Remus made a feeble attempt at a laugh, but it turned into a sob that he tried to hide. “I shouldn’t have called her that, I’m sorry,” Sirius said, looking awkwardly at his feet.

Remus shook his head, then stopped, thought about something, tried to choke back a sob, then said, “It’s fine. I mean, she- she isn’t. She’s very nice. Her- her reason was valid.” 

Sirius frowned slightly, “What was her reason?”

Remus bit his lip, and feebly tried to wipe away some escaped tears, “She- she said,” He sobbed a little harder then, Sirius reached and rubbed soothing circles on his back, on instinct. 

“It’s okay Moons, let it out.” He said gently.

Remus took in a deep shaky breath, then said, “She said it was because she- she couldn’t handle the whole,” He gestured to himself, “The whole werewolf thing.” Sirius swore his heart fell out of his chest.

Without even thinking about it, he scooped Moony up into a tight hug, holding him to his shoulder. Remus didn’t hesitate, he just slumped into Sirius’ shoulder and cried.

“What about 3rd year? She even said last month she didn’t care, why now?” Sirius asked, despite himself.

Remus sniffled alittle, “Thinking werewolves should have equal rights and supporting them, is a lot different then subjecting your life to be with one.” Remus sniffed, pulling away from Sirius and swiping his eyes. Sirius let him pull away, but kept their shoulders brushing.

“That’s bullshit.” Sirius grumbled.

“No it’s not Sirius,” Remus said, looking to Sirius with his puffy, teary eyes, and splotchy face. Sirius wanted to murder Dianne and hug his Moony. _ How could she do this to him?  _ “Not many people would give up their entire life to spend full moons nursing their spouse back to health. Not many people want to have children with a werewolf. Not many people would want to waste away their life with someone like me.” Remus drooped, trying to swipe away the new rush of tears. Sirius placed a hand on his shoulder and sqeezed it gently.

“I would.” He said.

“Sirius,” Remus said, in a feebly attempted warning tone.

“No, Moony, I would.” Sirius said, a bit more insistent. “I would give up everything I have to live my life with you.” Sirius lifted Remus’ chin so he could see the truth behind his words. “I don’t know if you could tell, but I really like having you in my life. And I would spend my life nursing you back to health, raising children, and it wouldn’t be a waste, it would be all I ever wanted.” Sirius gave Remus a gentle smile, and brushed away his tears, a featherlight touch. “I just need you in my life, in whatever way you want to give it to me. As long as you're here, nothing would ever be a waste.” 

Remus was silent for a long time, making Sirius fear he said something wrong. An odd expression crossed over Remus’ face. He was looking at Sirius intently, brow furrowed, and lips slightly parted, before looking away. “I’m not ready for another relationship,” Remus murmured. And Sirius let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. It wasn’t an  _ ‘I want to date you,’ _ It wasn’t an  _ ‘I love you,’ _ it wasn’t even directed at him. But somewhere in there Sirius heard a ‘maybe’, Sirius heard a ‘I think I might like you’, and it was enough to give Sirius hope.

“You don’t have to be.” Sirius smiled gently, Remus gave the slightest smile back, but it was enough to put Sirius heart back where it belonged. “I’ll always be here for you.”

“Thank you Padfoot.” Remus murmured, swiping away the last of his tears. “Stay with me for a bit?” 

“Wouldn’t dream of leaving.” 


	5. Chapter 5

It was a noisy, busy Sunday in the great hall. Remus was sitting next to him, James and Peter across from them.

“Oh, oh!” Peter said excitedly, “You’ll never guess what I heard?” 

“What did you hear?” Sirius asked, smirking.

“Dianne’s started dating Drew Clearwater!” Peter announced. Remus sputtered over his pumpkin juice.

“Yeah...Wormy, you really need to learn how to read a room,” James said, patting Pete’s shoulder. It had been about 2 months since Dianne broke up with Remus, and Remus seemed fine. Sirius was fine too. He didn’t feel the ache in his heart whenever Remus was around, most likely because he knew Remus wasn’t with anyone else. It was just a matter of time before Remus would be ready for another relationship. 

“Sirius Black?” He heard a male voice ask from behind him. He turned around to see a fit bloke wearing black jeans and a Bowie shirt.

“Nice shirt,” Sirius said, smiling up at the bloke.

“You a Bowie fan?” The guy asked a smirk on his lips and one eyebrow quirked.

“Hell yeah!” Sirius exclaimed, giving the bloke an awkward high five.  _ What in Merlin’s name was that?  _ Had it really been so long he’d forgotten how to have normal human interaction with a mildly attractive person?

The guy gave an awkward laugh then said, “Name’s Oliver Day, we have astronomy together.” 

Sirius furrowed his brow, trying to remember Oliver. They had astronomy with the Hufflepuff’s and the Slytherin’s. “I’m normally two telescopes down from you,” Oliver added in.

“Yes, yes, I remember you!” Sirius lied, he really couldn’t remember a fit Hufflepuff named Oliver Day being anywhere near him, but that didn’t seem important. The important part was Oliver Day was talking to him. 

“I’m honestly having a bastard of a time with the star charts,” Oliver said, casually slipping his hand into his jean pockets. “And I remember you got top grades last year. I was wondering if maybe you could help me with them?” 

Sirius looked over to Remus who was lazily flipping through a book, with a piece of sausage dangling on his fork. He bit his lip, then looked back to Oliver’s hopeful face. “Yeah, sure. Meet there tonight?” Sirius offered, his palms felt clammy, which was odd. 

“Great!” Oliver smiled, “I’ll be there at 9. Don’t keep me waiting.” Oliver punctuated his sentence with a wink.

Sirius nodded, he felt heat rising to his face. “Alright, see you then.” Then Oliver shot him another one of those nice smiles and walked away.

“Ooo, Padfoot has a date.” James teased.

“I do not.” Sirius scoffed, his cheeks were very warm and most likely a brilliant shade of red. 

“Sounded like a date to me,” Remus said in an even tone. Sirius felt a bit of guilt roll in his stomach. He didn’t even think of Remus. But this thing with Oliver wasn’t a date. It was just two blokes going to the astronomy tower to do some studying. He was still waiting for Remus. He would wait a lifetime for Remus, that’s what he always said, and he would hold true to his word.

“I don’t think it is. But I guess we’ll see what happens.” Sirius shrugged, “He  _ is _ fit.” He added. He saw Remus twitch a little, beside him. Just because he was waiting for Remus didn’t mean he couldn’t enjoy the sight of a fit bloke, even if it didn’t go anywhere, Sirius reasoned with himself, then continued on with his breakfast.

Sirius found himself unnecessarily nervous about this study not-date. Remus was walking with him to the astronomy tower, Sirius could hear his heart thumping loudly in his chest. “You going to be okay all by yourself tonight, Moony?” Sirius asked, breaking the odd silence that had lapsed between them since breakfast that morning. James and Lily were doing Merlin knows what, as they had been dating now for about two weeks, and Peter was with his NEWTs study group.

“Yeah,” Remus nodded, “Nothing I’m not used to.” Sirius frowned a little.

“I can cancel on Oliver if you want to hang out?” He offered.

“No, no, don’t cancel.” Remus shook his head, as they approached the door to the astronomy tower. Remus turned to face him as they stopped at the foot of the stairs. Sirius looked at Sirius, biting his bottom lip, a nervous habit of his. Remus brought a hand up, and cupped Sirius cheek, Sirius looked up at Remus softly. His hand was cold, but Sirius didn’t mind, he felt his heart leap to his throat. For a moment there he thought Remus was going to kiss him, “Well, have fun on your date.” Then Remus tapped his cheek and turned to walk back to Gryffindor Tower. Sirius felt his heart drop back in place.

“It’s not a date!” Sirius shouted at him.

“Is too!” Remus shouted, not turning around.

“It really isn’t,” Sirius grumbled as he walked up the tower stairs. He found Oliver waiting on the other side.

“He’s leading you on you know,” Oliver stated, arms folded over his chest. Not confrontationally, just casually. 

“Remus?” Oliver nodded, “He’s just-“ He cut himself off, then settled on a shake of his head. 

“You’re wasting your time,” Oliver commented, moving to a telescope that he had already set up.

“Maybe,” Sirius shrugged, “It’s worth it.” 

“Is it?” Oliver challenged, “What’s worth more to you, your happiness or his?” Sirius opened his mouth to respond but then closed it.  _ He really didn’t know.  _ “Because right now they aren’t dependant on each other.” Sirius bit his lip. This was true. He only seemed to be happy when Remus gave the slightest incline towards being together again, and it seemed Remus was quite content recently, which had nothing to do with Sirius. “Just think on it. I believe you promised to teach me a thing or two about stars?” Oliver smirked, that smirk that made Sirius’ stomach flip. Sirius nodded, then went over to where Oliver was waiting by the telescope. 

Sirius positioned the telescope to point at the section of sky they were supposed to be charting. Then directed Oliver to view the circle of sky for himself. As Sirius carried on telling him about stars and planets, helping him chart them, he noticed Oliver was actually quite good at astronomy which made him wonder if Oliver’s intentions were a lot more than casual learning. He also wondered why he didn’t hate the idea of that. 

“What’s that really bright one called?” Oliver asked. They had long since abandoned the telescope, and were sitting on the tower floor, staring up at the inky night sky. 

“Ah, that one is Sirius.” Sirius smirked, “Part of the constellation Canis Major.”

Oliver chuckled, “What did you do to be named after a star?”

“On the contrary, what did the star do to be named after me?” Oliver burst out laughing, they both did.

“That was somehow the best, and worst thing I’ve ever heard Sirius Black!” Oliver exclaimed.

“Sorry, not sorry?” Sirius smirked back, leaning into Oliver so their shoulders were brushing. 

They stared up at the sky. Just taking in its vast beauty. It was hard to imagine how far away the objects in it really were. They felt so close, as though you could reach out and grab one, but in reality all you would get was a handful of air. And if you did get close enough to touch a star, you’d be burned. So all you could do was sit there and dream. There was a metaphor in there somewhere, but Sirius was too occupied with Oliver’s shoulder leaning against his to decipher it. 

“Oliver are you-”

“Sirius you’re-” They both said at the same time. They chucked a little awkwardly.

“You first.” Sirius said.

“You’re gay, right?” Oliver asked, he looked nervous for the first time that night.

“Yeah, are you?” He asked.

“I’m queer.” Oliver said, “I know I like blokes, jury’s out on the rest of ‘em.” Sirius laughed lightly.

“That’s fine by me.” Sirius liked being so open about his sexuality. It’s not like James and Peter didn’t support him, but they always got a little awkward or confused when Sirius talked about it, so he steered clear of the subject.

He and Oliver sat in comfortable silence for a moment before Oliver checked his watch, and sat up from where he was leaning on Sirius. “Merlin’s beard, it’s nearly midnight!” He exclaimed.

“Really?” Sirius questioned, standing up as well to help Oliver get his stuff together, “Gosh, it feels like the time’s just flew by.” Sirius exclaimed. Oliver quickly stuffed away his half-finished star charts.

“Well you know what they say, time flies when you’re having fun.” Oliver smirked.

“Yeah, I had fun.” Sirius smiled, feeling a little shy.

Oliver looked up at him with kind eyes, “So did I.” 

They walked down the stairs together stopping at the bottom, each person waiting for the other to speak first. “Can I walk you too you’re common room?” Sirius asked, finally. 

Oliver nodded, “Yeah, thanks. It’s in the basement.” Sirius pretended like he didn’t know the Hufflepuff common room was in the basement, as that was information he shouldn’t know. They walked down the corridor together, the backs of their hands brushing, but neither made any sort of move beyond that. Eventually they made it down to the damp basement, which Sirius expected to be colder at night. He spotted the barrel that marked the entrance to the Hufflepuff common room, but oddly enough, Oliver walked right past it.

“What’re you doing? You just walked past your common room.” Sirius informed him, jogging alittle to catch up, as he lagged behind when they passed the Hufflepuff dorms.

“No we didn’t” Oliver chuckled. Sirius stomach did one of those not-so-unpleasent flips again. “The Slytherin common room is alittle further down the hall.” Sirius stopped dead in his tracks.

“You’re- you’re a Slytherin?” He gaped.

Oliver gave a saractsic laugh, “Yeah, what’d you think, that I was a Hufflepuff?” He gave a real laugh this time. 

“But-but you can’t be a Slytherin!” Sirius squawked, “You’re nice! And queer!”

“News flash Mr. Black. Not all Slytherin’s are evil bigots!” Oliver crossed his arms over his chest.

“Well in my experience, they are. My family isn’t exactly the nice sort if Slytherin” Sirius matched his stance.

“I thought it was well known every member of you’re family is an arsehole?” Oliver stated. “Well, except you.” He added.

Sirius laughed, heat rising to his cheeks, “Yeah, they are.” He said a little sheepishly. Oliver stopped closer to Sirius.

“And I’m sorry for that.” He was so close he could feel his breath on his face. Sirius noticed Oliver had striking green eyes. That stood out so uniquely against his dark skin, and thick hair. They stood there, studying each other’s faces. Not worried if they would be caught. Not worried about failing love lives. Not worried about anything except how unfair it was for someone to have such nice eyes. 

Oliver worried his lip between his teeth, then said in a nervous, quite voice, “Is it okay if I kiss you.”

Sirius’ heart leapt to his throat. “Yeah,” He said, not even thinking about it. It had been on the surface all night, he just needed conformation that all this was real. That this was actually happening to him.  _ That someone actually wanted him. _ Oliver brought a hand up to Sirius’ cheek, and pulled him in. The kiss was soft, and determined. Sirius could get lost in it. 

And that’s when Sirius realized that he hadn’t thought about Remus all night. Kissing Oliver he felt the weight that Remus had been pressing on his chest, float away. Leaving him to melt into this moment. And he knew deep down that he would always love Remus Lupin. That he would always be waiting for him. But that seemed like the least of his worries. He brought both of his hands up to Oliver’s face and pulled him in deeper. Kissing Oliver he felt lighter than air. He felt safe, protected,  _ trusted. _ And it would’ve been nice if Remus was The One. But the timing wasn’t right, and they’d played the hand they were dealt until it ran out. And who knew if he would ever have Remus as his own again. But to Sirius right now, feeling Olivers soft lips against his own, it didn’t matter, because he had this, this moment right now. Not the past to cling too, or a future to hope for, just this present to enjoy.

Kissing Oliver his mind felt cleared. The weight Remus Lupin had been pressing on his heart gone, leaving Sirius to finally, and truly, feel  _ happy for him. _


End file.
